Self imposed justice

I used to think of Karma as a follow-up punishment or reward to the actions I performed administered to me by God or Fate. I had the image of God watching everything I did, counting, scoring, and keeping track. Having read Bhagavatams 5th canto, I had the impression that certain actions demanded a specific punishment, and carefully ensured I stayed far away from those actions. I didn't understand the severity but was taught to accept the doctrine as it is and just make an effort to purify myself and elevate my standards to avoid hell and suffering.


About 8 years ago, I ventured into the realm of Shamanic entheogenic exploration to try to gain a better understanding of myself and the world I lived in. I had read a ton about the therapeutic use of such things as well as their connection to virtually every religion today. Be it Soma, Hauma, Mana, or teonacatl, the world and its spiritual traditions, have a long history of utilizing plant medicines to heal the mind and body.

I proceeded with caution as I had read many accounts of these experiences going badly, but It wasn't until I went for the "Heroic dose" as put by a famous psychedelic philosopher, Terrance McKenna, that I found what I was looking for.
Smaller doses were interesting but they did not take me out of myself enough to really break through. The mental chatter and constant judging of my experience by my ego prevented me from gaining what I really wanted from the experience, a true and profound spiritual breakthrough.

When I finally made the step to the big dose, I had already experienced several difficult trips and had learned to navigate those with breathing, mantras, and that ability to stay calm in uncomfortable situations that I learned from studying BJJ and surfing waves over my depth of skill. The big dose was different, "I" was not there to resist, to protest, or to complain, the "I" fell into space and exploded back with a force of beauty and meaning that completely floored me. Everything I had read was both wrong and right and the same time, words can not and will never be able to express that level of being, wherein all meaning and chaos are in perfect balance, equally participating in the play of life.
Getting back to my original point, Karma. What I learned(by asking, just in case you're wondering), was that Karma was, in fact, a self-imposed justice system. The Self, at the highest level, holds the pinnacle of moral and ethical sensibility, he gives himself no quarter and holds himself accountable for everything he does. Therefore this egoic "I" talking to you now, is accountable to him for everything it does. The more I feel guilty, shame, and negativity about my actions, the lower I sink into despair and suffering. Hells are manifestations of these negative states of being. Self-loathing is based on a hatred for oneself based on beliefs about your worth and ability, as well as projections of how others see you. This is akin to hatred for God, as the Self is part and parcel of God, to hate oneself is to hate God. To hate God is to cast oneself into hell. But it is a natural progression of self-abuse rather than an externally imposed punishment. It is not the state putting you in prison, but your own accountability to yourself, demanding balance.

Now, the real way to avoid hell, and suffering, is to learn to understand, respect, and love oneself from where you are right now, despite your flaws, failures, and lies. By treating yourself as something worth treating well, you will slowly lift yourself up from patterns of self-hatred and self-abuse which actually prevent you from advancing in your path.
The Process of Bhakti yoga is the best means of doing that, but if one does not understand the relationship of the individual soul with the supreme soul, not understanding both their unity and their difference you may find you only perpetuate your self-hating tendencies and feelings of inadequacy. If one does have that knowledge, then that love causes ones moral and ethical standards to rise to that of one's Ishta deva.

The culture of the Self is the sublime process of uniting with the supreme self and dissolving all sense of separation and independence. To love the Self means to love God and to Love god means to love the self. Krsna tells us this many times, and it is stated over and over again in the Upanishads, the Puranas, and Mahabharata.

So learn to love, and you will never find yourself in the deepest reaches of suffering and pain. Love Krsna and you will soar to the heights of beauty, meaning, and bliss, ascending to the realm of Goloka where every word is a song and every step is a dance.

Jai Nitai